This article is part of Findegil’s Insider’s Guide to The Lord of the Rings
I am Findegil. Many of you know me as the bloke who fixed up the Thain’s Copy of The Red Book of Westmarch. John Ronald Reuel Tolkien (J.R.R. in short, "Ronald" to his friends) used the Red Book as a guide for telling some interesting stories. As any translator and storyteller is bound to do, Ronald erred in some places on the side of making a better story. And now I hear a gentleman named Jackson is set on releasing a cinematic feature. Three of them in fact.
I must say when I was first roused to comment on all this hysteria I was quite abashed to find myself annointed an authority. The voice of Authority is a weighty burden and one I would fain have averted had it been my lot in life. When I was a lad I had a passion for buttons, and I would have been a button-maker but for the lack of buttons in Gondor. Thus my parents packed me off when I was but eight years of age to the local Mar i Tengwengolmor, literally "House of the Scholars of Letters". Perhaps you chaps might call it a Secretaries’ School, for that is essentially what one becomes when one is expelled from the Mar. I say "expelled" because we students often had to be forced out into the open. It becomes a dreadfully boring task, copying scroll after scroll days on end with no break. We used to slip off during the afternoons when Master Miranar took his daily walk. We’d run down to the market, steal ripened fruit from the waste pile, and then chase dogs through the streets until we were caught.
Miranar always said one should have a little adventure ere one begins to write about them. I daresay he must have chased a few dogs in his day as well. Poor beasts. They must have taken a frightful odor to them before they escaped our deadly aim. And hence it was often said in Gondor, "The hand of the scribes is mightier than the arms of the warriors." Alas! I have found to my discomfiture that this quaint and endearing observation of our youthful frolickry has emerged but a doggeral ‘neath the pens of modern claiments to the title of Scribe. Such amateurish revisionary tactics do not impart any sense of wit or insight, but rather say much concerning the dark-minded nature of their practitioners.
Yet, enough about me and mine. I could no doubt entwine you with fantastic tales of yesterdays long gone and forgotten, or mayhap bind you endlessly to authoritative rules of enscription and scroll-devisement, but my purpose here…nay, my duty is to set straight the record so malappropriated through the years by the hands of those who might have better pursued careers in the Chip Carters’ Street than in the halls of the literary imagination.
So, to begin. I have been asked by the good Webmaster (who is a forthright and brilliant scholar, though his methods of research leave me gasping on occasion, for he is wont to defer all endeavors upon any subject until such time as he deems another has prevailed with an untoward opinion…and then, only then, will he put forth such lore and discovery as he has available to share. It strikes me as a rather confrontative and deliberate manner of presentation, less subtle than the stolid oratory of a formal debut, but I shall not weight myself down with deliveries upon the personal characteristics of another) to comment first upon scenes from the forthcoming movies and then to relate them to the original source, the Red Book of Westmarch. Ronald’s book is a heartily enjoyable work of fiction but it does rather presume to take certain liberties with which I cannot easily contain my disapproval, so I will say as little about that as I may.
Scenes deleted from the upcoming movies
Aragorn meets Butterbur in the kitchen of the Prancing Pony
Yes, this truly happened. It does not appear in Ronald’s version of the story, perhaps, because it would have detracted from the comic nature of the halflings (we did not, btw, capitalize the word "halfling" in Gondor as seems to be indicated, but one should recall that Ronald in fact received a copy of the Thain’s book, and not the precise copy I prepared in Minas Tirith).
The scene opens with Barliman (who was, I should note, not fat at all…he was short and slim for he was very active and constantly on the run…I have been to Bree myself and met Barliman’s descendants, who are neither befuddled nor bovine).
Barliman enters kitchen. He does not notice the quiet Strider sitting by the stove. BARLIMAN: Now, where is that butter? STRIDER: The butter in your head or the butter in your churn? Barliman turns around, sees Strider, and gasps with exasperation. BARLIMAN: Oh, Strider, it's just you. I thought Nob might have returned with Bob from Hob's End. Do you have the package? STRIDER: That was Hob who went with Bob to Nob's Bend, you old fool, and yes, I have the package. BARLIMAN: Nay, nay, Strider! I sent Bob to fetch Hob from Lob's Bend yesterday, but Hob and Nob were to go to Bob's friend today. STRIDER: That's not what you just said. BARLIMAN: Was too. Aragorn rises from his stool, draws a dagger from his belt, and... STRIDER: Elendil! I am Aragorn son of Arathorn, Chieftain of the Dunedain, Leader of the Rangers, Protector of Eriador, teller of great stories in your common room, and traveler extraordinaire. If I can keep all my titles straight in my head you old wagon wheel I can surely recall that you said Nob's friend was with Hob's hayward on Bob's farm! BARLIMAN: Half a minute! That was Nob and Bob visiting Hob's lake for the summer, if I recall correctly.
It becomes immediately obvious that nothing would be gained from including this scene in the movie. Now, the truth is somewhat more mundane. His majesty, King Elessar (then known to others as Strider, which he rendered into the High Elven language as Telcontar for the name of his house), had agreed to procure some herbs for Barliman and the "package" here referred to contained several delightful oddities from the Shire. It was at this time His majesty inquired about the visitors from the Shire, but he had forgotten to put away his dagger (where this broken sword business came about escapes me — the shards of Narsil were carefully wrapped up and guarded in Rivendell ever since the King had undertaken his great journeys many years before). So, feeling somewhat (rightfully, I must concede) put out by the whole affair, Butterbur simply walked off and left the king standing with the herbs. I have heard that the lord Aragorn was so infuriated by the impertinence of the innkeeper he dropped the entire satchel of herbs into the ale Barliman was brewing….
Aragorn meets Halbarad near Weathertop
This event did not happen. The lord Halbarad was at that time in western Eriador, reinstating the guard on the Shire which had been disrupted by the Nazgul (shudder). In this scene, however, the writer was attempting to recall some of the confusion of Bree in an effort to explain the lord Aragorn’s apparently confused reaction later that night.
ARAGORN: Halt, who goes there? Who treads so softly in the afternoon upon the slopes of Weathertop? I am a Ranger, I say. I can hear you walk in your sleep, smell the odor of your cooking a mile away, and I know every leaf and twig in these woods, so I'll track you down right quickly. Halbarad emerges from a troll-hole. HALBARAD: It is only I, kinsman, come to warn thee of the great peril which lies before thee. ARAGORN: Halbarad! Of all joys this is the least expected! HALBARAD: But kinsman, you did yourself leave word at the Wooden Gate that I and all who could ride at my call should meet thee here at Weathertop. ARAGORN: Nay, kinsman. I left thee no word. I departed from Bree as soon as the Hobbits were fed. HALBARAD: Hobbits? Hobbits did you say? That is a glad word. For I had been told you were abroad and alone, and that the Nine sought you for some ungiven reason. ARAGORN: Nay, kinsman. They have reason aplenty. I had old Barliman refuse them service. They had to sleep outside the town and thence swore an oath that I should not rest until they have seen me filled myself with worms and bugs. HALBARAD: And so to the worms and bugs thou must confine thyself. But, hark! kinsman! What is that shadow I see on yonder hill? Aragorn turns and looks up. ARAGORN: Elendil! The halflings have discovered my double-padded cloak and they are setting it up as a tent! I must go, kinsman!
Aragorn, Gimli, and Legolas share jokes as they travel across the plains of Rohan.
This is somewhat truthful. They spent a great deal of time together and it was a period of bonding for the Three Hunters.
ARAGORN: If an Ent falls in the forest, does anyone hear it scream? LEGOLAS: If an Adan tells a bad jest, does anyone stay my hand from slaying him? GIMLI: Now, good Elf, what was wrong with the jest? LEGOLAS: I deem it unkind to the trees. ARAGORN: What, and not to the Ent? LEGOLAS: It is the trees which must endure the screaming Ent, Aragorn. Do you know how long it takes an Ent to yell for help? ARAGORN: [laughing] Then I beg your forgiveness, Legolas! Perhaps you can share with us some humor from your people? Thranduil's halls must resound with mirth upon occasion. LEGOLAS: Very well. How many Dwarves does it take to change a torch? GIMLI: Confound it, Elf! We don't change torches! We use lanterns! LEGOLAS: It is simply a jest, good dwarf. GIMLI: Do I ask how many Elves change a torch? All know they would sit in the dark lamenting the loss of the warmth! LEGOLAS: A plague on the stiff humor of Dwarves! ARAGORN: Now, now! 'Tis all in jest to pass the time. Come, Gimli. You have a keen sense of humor, I deem. Share with us one of the favorite jests of Durin's Folk in Erebor! GIMLI: Okay, okay! Here's a good one! A miner, a smith, and a stoneworker walk into a tavern. The tavernkeeper sends his daughter out back.... LEGOLAS: I have heard this one. GIMLI: How can you have heard it? LEGOLAS: It is an old jest told throughout Laketown and Mirkwood. GIMLI: 'Tis a Dwarven jest. What Elf would know it? LEGOLAS: The jest comes when the tavernkeeper says, "But I don't have any bells and whistles!" ARAGORN: Enough! Let us press onward, each given to his own thoughts for now. I deem the time is passing too slowly whilst we bicker!
To be fair, I do not know what humor the Three Hunters may have shared between themselves on their Great Pursuit. But it is not true that Legolas and Gimli would differ so. They had a great love and respect for one another, and often went hunting in the hills together whilst they yet dwelt in Middle-earth.
Legolas and Gimli compare Orc-kills at the Hornburg.
Indeed, the famous contest of slaughter took place much as Ronald told it in his book, but the following exchange shall not be found in the movie.
LEGOLAS: Fifteen. GIMLI: Alas, only three so far. I have a crick in my neck which impedes my swing. Legolas moves to stand behind Gimli. He begins to massage Gimli's shoulders. LEGOLAS: You are indeed a great knot, Gimli. GIMLI: I see no need to be insulting! LEGOLAS: I spoke of the hardened sinews in your shoulders, my friend. GIMLI: I've never heard the expression, "You are indeed a great knot." LEGOLAS: Do Dwarves not massage their sore limbs and backs? GIMLI: Nay. Dwarves endure whatever hardship we encounter. We simply exert ourselves in new directions. That is why the roads of Erebor go all throughout the Mountain, willy- nilly, without regard for need or location. If a Dwarf is digging and his muscles begin to ache, he changes hands with which the tools are used, and heads off in a new direction. LEGOLAS: Then that explains how you have wandered around the battle. GIMLI: Aye, for it is not just a crick in my neck, but also a soreness in my foot from these confounded boots. Legolas stops massaging Gimli and looks down at his boots. LEGOLAS: Are those not the boots we purchased in Caras Galadon at Happy Halgalad's Boot Flet? GIMLI: Indeed, they are, and I should have paid heed when you warned me to purchase the Dr. Tal's Foot Pad. LEGOLAS: We use them all the time in Mirkwood. GIMLI: Would I had a hundred of them here, Legolas. But more do I wish I had a good pair of Dwarf boots. Why did we not desire these things when we were in Lorien, and the Elven-lady could have sent for them? LEGOLAS: They would not have come, my friend. There are many feet to be shod and cared for in the north. They have their own concerns.
Indeed, good reader, there was no such exchange between the two during the battle of the Hornburg. It was a quite serious affair and the outcome seemed in doubt from the hour when King Theoden led his small army into the beleaguered vale of Helm’s Deep.
Well, dear friends, here ends our examination of the story as it will not be told in the annals of Gondor….
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